What Is This Life If, Full Of Care…

07/09/24

^{EDITED TO ADD: DISCLAIMER: The contents of this post should NOT be taken as any form of advice or guidance; it is merely an account of a personal exploration. Any actions taken by others in relation to the contents of this post are entirely their own responsibility. Consideration should always be given to personal circumstances, including physical and mental health status, and the law in one’s own country.}

I feel I’ve been getting pretty good results from psilocybin microdosing using a one on, two off protocol (i.e. dose on day one, then have two days clear, before dosing again on the fourth day, etc….).

My baseline mood is generally calm, regularly upbeat, and motivation is high.

However, I’ve been witnessing Altan’s progress, using a four on, three off (Stamets Stack), and he’s positively glowing!

Externally, he just looks healthier – his facial skin looks years younger.

Internally, his mindset has radically adjusted, going from black pit to relishing many aspects of life.

With that in mind, I recently switched to the four on, three off, but decided to forgo the niacin aspect due to the side effects (a woman my age flushes enough thanks).

It’s early days, but I think this might work better for me. There’s been another notable boost in resilience – a tough day at work doesn’t drag me down, and doesn’t stay with me in the evening.

Whether due to microdosing, or the regular mindfulness practice, I’ve also noticed an ability to slow down that is fairly new.

I’m used to always rushing – rushing to get ready, rushing to get to work, rushing to get all my tasks done, rushing home, rushing to cook meals for people, get washing done, clean the house, rushing to be there for other people’s needs… so that maybe I can get in my pjs and watch TV for an hour before going to bed.

Rinse and repeat.

I’ve been freed from all that. I don’t have to rush home because of someone else’s schedule.

So today, I was strolling home from work, enjoying an unusually early finish and the prospect of two days off, when I spotted a red admiral butterfly feeding on a buddleia. So beautiful.

I stopped to quietly watch for a while, until someone clopped loudly past and it flew away.

I’m sure I used to see lots more butterflies when I was little.

I’m trying to do my bit to help with my wild patches in the garden. Red admirals are the reason I have nettles in those patches, as their caterpillars apparently feed on nettles.

Having admired several gardens along the way, and had some nice smiley exchanges with people, I got home and decided to put some seeds and nuts out for my lovely wildlife.

Well, as soon as the packet rustled, Mummy Squirrel, who lives in the oak tree next door, popped her head out from under a shrub to look at me.

She hopped a bit closer, then stared some more.

Finally, clearly having decided she could take me in a fight if necessary, she hopped right to my feet and started scoffing the sunflower seeds I’d dropped.

I could barely breathe for fear of startling her.

She ate her fill of seeds, then dug up yet another of my spring bulbs as she made her way back to the fence.

She stared at me from her vantage point while she munched (what I think was) a bluebell, then gave a flick of her tail and shot off up her tree.

It was amazing!

She brought her babies to feed in the garden earlier in the year, but only if I was inside the house (peeping out of the kitchen window, like a nosy, net curtain twitching neighbour).

This is the first time she’s trusted me up close.

A little later on, when I’d done some weeding and general garden tidying, I sat on the swing seat with my cup of tea, listening to the outdoors noises, and I sighed a big, fat, contented sigh.

I have the memories from today to put into that Memory Mansion of mine; pure, untarnished joy.

I really do believe the combination of mindfulness and microdosing is helping to enhance my ability to embrace moments, let go of anxieties, and to be healed by nature.

Leisure
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
William Henry Davies

MUSIC OF THE DAY: What A Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong

JP