Feeling Frazzled, Finding Frazzled

26/03/24

I’ve been listening to this great podcast called How Do You Cope? with Elis and John (I wonder why I would pick that?)

As the name suggests, each episode has a guest discussing major issues they’ve faced in life, and revealing how they’ve coped with said issues.

It’s been an interesting, informative, inspiring experience. People are so amazingly brave and compassionate in their willingness to share and be vulnerable in an effort to ease the way for unknown others.

I’ve just been working through them in chronological order, whether I know the name of the person or not, whether I think I like them or not.

I’m listening with open mind, and learning what I can.

Eventually I listened to the episode with Ruby Wax OBE, and I’m not exaggerating when I say it was life changing.

I knew her as a comedian back in the day, was vaguely aware she’d had some mental health problems, and that she’d qualified as some form of therapist.

Firstly, I didn’t know a fraction of the mental health issues she’s dealt with, or how she’d been treated when she was experiencing crisis. She tells her own story more effectively than I ever could, so I won’t get into a ton of detail, but seriously, hat’s off to that woman for coming through the way she is.

Secondly, and most importantly for me on a personal level, she talked about a charity she’s founded, called Frazzled Café.

It’s peer to peer support, not counselling or therapy.

It’s a place where, in Ruby’s own words, it’s OK to not be OK.

It’s a safe space for people to talk about whatever they’re feeling, without fear of judgement, reprisal or ‘helpful advice’.

It’s a safe space for people not to talk, to sit quietly and just be with the group.

Whichever you wish.

It’s online, and it’s free.

Having looked it up, read all the information and guidelines, and had a think about it, I booked onto a session.

The session I booked on was one hour long, with twelve people attending, plus a lovely host.

The host helps progress the session along, making sure that everyone who wants to gets a chance to speak. They also ensure that everyone sticks to the guidelines, particularly the one about being respectful and kind to oneself and each other.

Each session starts and ends with a five minute mindfulness session – essentially a body scan exercise – which I found unexpectedly soothing. I’m not usually terribly good at sticking with mindfulness and meditation type stuff, but found I really relaxed into these guided sessions.

I didn’t say anything tonight, just listened to what everyone else was sharing, and got a feel for how things work and the dynamic of the group. I gather, from what was said tonight, that the ‘vibe’ can be different depending on who is hosting and the attendees at any given session.

I liked tonight’s vibe; people were so kind and genuine with each other.

It reminded me somewhat of 43Things: an online community that once upon a time provided me with the support and anchors I needed in some very difficult times (as well as sharing in a whole heap of fun in the not so glum times). I mourn the loss of that site still. Perhaps Frazzled Café will go some way to filling the role.

With the sensitive nature of what’s discussed at Frazzled Café, there’s clearly a need for confidentiality, and I’d never break that, even here in you dear diary.

However, I will say that various things people shared deeply resonated with me. Even though I didn’t speak, I somehow felt recognised, cared for, seen. It made me feel so much less alone.

It doesn’t really make sense, but that single, quiet hour has made me feel just a tiny bit better, less panicky, more able to breathe.

And I ate a sandwich and haven’t puked it back up (yet).

It’s hard to explain but I feel, for the first time in months, like I’ve got one foot on solid ground.

I’ve booked some more sessions (there’s usually a couple of options each day, although you’re asked to attend only once per day), and I think I might be brave enough to actually speak on the next one.

Ruby Wax has given me something that will help me feel safe as I continue this journey; I have a space where I’m not alone.

I can’t sufficiently express my gratitude.

JP