My Care Bear

17/12/24

I’d like you to meet Bear. 

As his name suggests, he’s a big burly man, tall enough and broad enough to make me feel dainty. His eyes shine with delight at the world, and the creases in his face are from habitual smiling. He’s kind and gentle, funny and intelligent. He has one of those laughs, that comes from the boots, and makes people look over and grin.

He’s amongst my biggest cheerleaders, always encouraging, never controlling. If there’s something I want to do in life, he would never dream of standing in my way or resenting me for doing it, even if that means we sometimes have to do the long distance relationship thing.

He values his independence as I value mine; that’s why we don’t live together.

He thinks that I rock, and tells me so, often. The feeling is wholeheartedly reciprocated.

I never have feelings of doubt or shame or anxiety when I’m around him; I know I’m safe, emotionally, physically and mentally. When he offers me help, I never feel patronised or as if I now owe something in return, and I know the help will actually materialise. I can accept his help without feeling I’ve somehow failed, and without having to be the ‘little woman’ in order to stroke his ego.

He’s not afraid of emotional closeness and plays no silly games; he tells me how he feels and what he needs, rather than expecting me to guess, then getting pissy when I don’t get it right.

When he teases me it’s never cruel or demeaning – I can laugh along. In fact, he’s assisted my ability to more easily admit to, and laugh about, my human failings, because I know he won’t reject me for being less than perfect. The double good news is that if he did, I’m now in a place where I’d walk away without looking back, but (here’s the double) I know he’d never reject me just for being a real human. 

When I want to mull over a new scheme or idea, he listens attentively and makes pertinent remarks. Most of these fledgling notions just float off into the ether – thought of, talked about, but not to be actioned – but he doesn’t get impatient with me, seeing it accurately as me exploring and testing before jumping. 

He joyfully shares his passions and hobbies, and is equally enthusiastic about hearing and learning about mine. We don’t always want to jointly participate in those activities, but we have no problem with individual pursuits, coming together to relive and share experiences, finding delight in each other’s pleasures.

We don’t just talk about adventures we might have, individually or jointly, we work together to make them reality.

He takes me to places I’d never find by myself: dark little bars with amazing live music; family run eateries with divine food and a cosy atmosphere, where they remember your name and encourage you to linger for hours, talking and sharing just one more bottle of wine; back street comedy venues where you get to see the ‘new guys’ just before they make it big.

His friends are warm and open, making me feel welcome.

He holds my hand when strolling around, and reaches for me when we’re in company.

Although we never seem to run out of things to talk about, we also enjoy companionable silences. He likes to walk by the river just as much as I do, and understands the soul feeding joy of sitting, his arm around me, quietly pondering the ripples and eddies as the water flows past.

He finds my weird, sometimes inexplicable, emotional responses endearing; if I cry at a film, or documentary, or whatever, he absolutely doesn’t find it irritating, rather, cherishing this empathetic side of me.

He can be so unbelievably tender; when I sometimes cry while we make love, he doesn’t assume it’s a bad thing, he understands, holds me close, chuntering reassurances and nonsense to me until we fall asleep, tangled together; his leg thrown over mine never feels too heavy.

He can be so unbelievably passionate too; when we fuck, whether a knee trembler in the kitchen, or a session so long it requires refreshment intervals, he leaves me in no doubt that he gets off on me and my body. He lets me know, in so many ways, that it’s safe to authentically express myself. 

He’s open minded and fully supportive of the therapeutic use I’ve made of psilocybin; he’s not a stranger to similar explorations, but like me, his drug use could never be described as problematic. We do plan to take a little recreational journey together soon, which I think will be amazing; I’ve never trusted anyone enough, as yet, to open myself up like that with them. 

Because we’re human, we each have habits, foibles and behaviours that can cause issues for the other; ‘issues’ covering mild irritation through to feeling actually hurt by something. It’s ok though, because we can talk honestly; we know we want to work together to better understand, to compromise.

He knows that a difference of opinion, a good debate, is not a catastrophe nor an attack, it’s simply a healthy exchange of views and an opportunity to gain deeper understanding of each other. It’s not a fight, not winner takes all; in fact, we’re both of the opinion that if there’s a single ‘winner’ in a dispute between us, then actually we both lose.

While disagreeing is never something I’ll enjoy, there is a certain joy in not feeling devastated in the aftermath, of feeling heard and counted. 

I could write for pages more about his awesomeness, but I think, by now, you’ve probably got the picture. 

What I most appreciate about having this beautiful man in my life is exactly that – he’s in my life, but he’s not my whole life.  Knowing him, being with him, adds to what I already had before meeting him; he expands my life.  

I’m so glad that the universe saved him for me until I was a stand-alone, whole person and could fully embrace our adventure together.  Any earlier?  I’d have screwed it up. 

So, at the beginning of this post I said I’d like you to meet Bear.

I’d also like to meet Bear.

Right now, I’ve only met him my head. I know he’s out there in the real world, somewhere. I’m not desperate to find him, especially right now, when I’m still in the wobbly stage of learning to walk, but I’m looking forward to it.

I know the time will come when I’m healed enough, whole enough, ready enough, that I won’t fuck it up.

Applying the laws of attraction(ish), I thought it worth putting out to the Universe that this is who I’m ready to meet when the time is appropriate.

MUSIC OF THE DAY: Are You With Me – Lost Frequencies

JP