Singing the Praises of Frazzled Café. Again.

12/11/24

^{DISCLAIMER: The contents of this post should NOT be taken as any form of advice or guidance; it is merely an account of a personal exploration. Any actions taken by others in relation to the contents of this post are entirely their own responsibility. Consideration should always be given to personal circumstances, including physical and mental health status, and the law in one’s own country.}

Once again, I’m flooded with gratitude for the existence of Frazzled Café.

This is going to look like a giant sponsored review, but it’s not. It’s from the heart thankfulness, coupled with a desire to help others who find themselves in the emotional mire.

So, as the is not the first time I’ve yammered on about the wonders of Frazzled, here’s the backstory of what’s prompted this most recent bout of gratitude:

Since taking my last psilocybin macrodose I’ve been experiencing an ongoing sense of sadness.

It’s nothing huge or overwhelming. I wouldn’t even go so far as to call it sorrow.

It’s an almost childlike blob of sad inside my diaphragm that I’m just sort of aware of most of the time. Over the last couple of days, it’s felt like it might be building into a Big Cry.

I usually experience a slight dip in mood in the days immediately after a macrodose, therefore, I was mentally prepared. This has felt different though, with this particular sense of sadness, instead of the expected vague, overall low feeling. And it seems to have lasted longer than the usual post dose dip.

I’ve also noticed my anxiety and insecurity driven ‘controlling’ behaviour is resurfacing. Things being a little out of place irritate me to an unreasonable extent. I’m starting to resent anything less than perfection in myself and others. Not good stuff.

I have absolutely no idea what lies beneath these feelings. I’m fully aware that focusing on it and trying to work. it. out. will be unlikely to yield anything positive.

So, instead, I’ve been consistently moving my thoughts away each time they try to dwell and ruminate.

I find focussing on something practical but pleasant to be quite effective. For example, I enjoy working out what pictures will go where on my newly decorated bedroom walls.

In really desperate times I’ll turn to maths.

I’m not naturally gifted in this department, so reworking my projected budget, or something similar, takes a fair degree of mental focus.

This very effectively takes my thoughts away from my emotions. The conscious focus on something like maths allows my subconscious self to deal with my emotions in the background, without me having to get all involved.

I frequently find that (re)working out my travel plan budget can lift me out of a non-specific funk. I think it’s the combination of giving myself the emotional space, and the feel good factor of laying out an attainable financial plan.

Unfortunately, reviewing the budget to ensure I’m on target did not improve my mood. I still feel sad.

It did, however, prevent rumination about why I’m feeling sad. It also stopped me from trying to figure out what’s making my red-flag, over perfectionist self rise up.

Furthermore, it gave me an extra shot of determination. I regained certainty about my ability to make my travel dreams a reality.

On top of practicing these mindfulness exercises, I’ve been continuing to follow the approximation of a routine that forms my working days. I generally manage to sleep regularly(ish). I eat and take supplements. I work on the house.

Most importantly, I attend regular online Frazzled Café meetings.

The safe space that Frazzled provides me is invaluable to my healing and growth; how that works is oddly difficult to convey.

I guess a good place to start is with the guided mindfulness exercises at the start and end of each session. Because I can listen and follow along, it works for me; left alone to practice mindfulness I’m all over the place with the fidgets.

It’s usually some form of body scan, and is only four or five minutes long, but somehow I feel like everything is just down a notch afterwards.

Via these exercises, and through others talking about their practices, Frazzled Café has taught me that it’s entirely feasible for me to have thoughts but not let them take over; the lunatic thoughts do not have to be allowed to run my asylum.

Frazzled is a place where I know there’ll be now-familiar faces, people who have already witnessed a huge part of this journey (snotty crying and all).

I’ve witnessed their travails.

We’ve come to know each other through some very unfiltered exchanges and revelations.

There’s a genuine sense of caring for each other, an investment in each other’s emotional ups and downs; it’s a great privilege to be witness to others’ vulnerabilities, successes, fears, challenges…

As in real life, the sense of connection is greater with some than others. There are certain people whose attendance is guaranteed to bring warmth and joy.

Those are the meetings where I come away grinning, feeling like I just spent time relaxing with good friends.

They are part of my tribe.

There are some people who attend regularly, but never (or extremely rarely) speak. This is absolutely fine; no one is obliged to speak, ever. I’ve been to many meetings where, for a variety of reasons, I chose not to speak too.

Interestingly, I get the same sense of comfort from seeing their faces as I do from interacting with the more chatty people.

I never knew how attached it was possible to become, simply through interaction via facial expression and emojis. I do now.

Frazzled is a place to say my truth, without fear of judgement.

There’s something astonishingly healing about being able to blurt out all your ‘stuff’ (good, bad, ugly, insightful…whatever), and to not have people tell you what you should or shouldn’t do about it.

That’s not to say I don’t pick up plenty of tips and guidance, as well as other perspectives and points of view – I most certainly do.

One of the group rules is that participants must not give advice, or tell each other what to do, so this useful information is always delivered from the perspective of the speaker:

eg. “When I experienced something similar, I found A and B to be very helpful. They enabled me/supported me/taught me to X and Y.“

Or I’m simply listening to their story and resonating with it, often being prompted to pick up new tools, to think about my own stuff differently, through hearing about how they deal with theirs.

Or, I’m listening to the struggles of others and gaining some serious perspective on my own problems.

It makes it so much easier to sift through ideas and suggestions when they come to you in a gentle, sort of indirect manner.

I’m sure you’ll believe me when I say it’s infinitely better than having someone hammer you over the head with their decisions about what’s best for you, and making you feel like a failure in the process.

The other thing that’s been great about the Frazzled space is the rule about not interrupting – others are not allowed to speak until you indicate you’re finished by muting your mic.

This is a refreshing change from most, regular, day-to-day interactions, where well meaning people frequently jump in with their comments or point of view (I know I’m guilty).

The lack of interruption on Frazzled means you often find you’ve managed to ‘talk out’ your problem with yourself.

I find speaking my thoughts aloud, in a way that enables others to understand the issue, frequently clarifies those thoughts.

Having uninterrupted space for continued verbal exploration often enables me to reveal to myself the solution/path/new perspective that I need.

I can’t say I found any solutions from speaking at the meeting I attended tonight, but just being able to describe the unsettled feelings did give me a small sense of release.

It’s been confirmed that I’m not mad, or self pitying; I’m doing all the right things, including trusting my gut about how to deal with this current downtick.
^{(What I’m feeling isn’t big enough to be a down swing. As you can have an uptick, I’m assuming you can also have a down one? I don’t care enough to look it up, but if you want to tell me, I’m willing to listen.)}

Receiving encouraging, positive feedback about progress made, and the self-care I’m practicing, was unexpected and boosted me substantially. It was highlighted for me that attending a meeting very much qualifies as self care. Ditto, choosing not to ruminate on the sad feelings.

To be clear here, I wasn’t seeking affirmation from others in order to feel good; receiving their affirmation reminded me of my own strength, and of course it also felt nice. We all like to be told good shit about ourselves, don’t we?

I make a point of this only because healing from the need to have approval from others is quite a large part of the evolutionary journey being documented here.

What I did need was to feel heard, and the folks at Frazzled gave me that in spades.

I still don’t know the root cause of the sadness, nor what needs tears to be shed in order to be released. I do, however, have faith it will pass, and I’ll feel better.

Not just better than I do right now, but better than I did pre-macrodose; that’s been the pattern until now and I have no reason to think it’ll be different this time.

In the meantime, I once again want to express my deep, deep gratitude to Ruby Wax, for creating and actively participating in this astounding free resource.

I thank the hosts and facilitators too, for volunteering to donate their time and energy – not insubstantial resources.

Without them the meetings simply couldn’t happen. In particular, I want to thank those remarkable hosts who’ve stepped in to add extra meetings into particularly difficult time slots (Friday through Sunday can be especially tough and lonely for people when they’re alone and not at work).

I thank all the brave souls who come to the meetings, sharing the twists and turns of their journeys, with the tears, laughter and compassion that entails. Without them, there would be nothing but an empty room; with them, I grow stronger.

I thank all The Powers That Be for leading me to this safe haven.

If you think it might help, with whatever is going on for you right now, I’d encourage you to consider booking a meeting. Assuming you can overcome time differences, it doesn’t matter where you are in the world – everyone is welcome.

You never know, it might prove to be a life raft for you, as it’s been for so many of us who attend.

What’s the worst that can happen? You waste an hour being bored?

Come on in – the water’s warm.

MUSIC OF THE DAY: Got Each Other – The Interrupters

JP