What’s In That Container?

29/10/24

^{DISCLAIMER: The contents of this post should NOT be taken as any form of advice or guidance; it is merely an account of a personal exploration. Any actions taken by others in relation to the contents of this post are entirely their own responsibility. Consideration should always be given to personal circumstances, including physical and mental health status, and the law in one’s own country.}

I’ve realised I never ‘officially’ wrote down my intentions for my psilocybin use in this journal, although I did write them down, and put them on my pin board (where they remain).

Before I get to that though, I just want to back up a little and set out my understanding, and implementation, of what is known as the container and how my intentions work within that context.

In the context of a psilocybin trip the term container refers to the wider structure and boundaries put in place to ensure the experience is as safe, beneficial, and well integrated as possible. In essence, the container is the protective framework that holds and contains the powerful and sometimes overwhelming psychological material that could arise during a high-dose psychedelic experience.

The elements of the container, seem to generally fall into these sections:

Preparation Work is essentially the psychological and emotional work done beforehand to set intentions and prepare for the experience. A lot of my prep work is laid out in these pages – journaling helps me both with the prep and the later integration work. Things like examining past incidents from my childhood and my marriage. The emotional hangovers I want to be rid of.

Intentions are what they sound like – what you intend to achieve/gain from the experience. For me, this hasn’t necessarily been about what I want to happen during the actual trip – it’s been more about the long term intentions, the changes I want to make, permanently for my emotional and mental healing. I believe my microdosing in between macro doses helps that bedded in, long term change I wish to effect (and have been noticing in quite substantial ways).

I set out five intentions, in a deliberate order, wishing one to progress on to the next in a way that kept building. (I’ll probably examine how I feel I’m getting along with these at some future date):

1. Connect with the Universe, the ‘wholeness’.
2. Release the anger, pain, harm and trauma. Let all the things go with love. Be healed of the past.
3. Find inner peace and contentment with self. All aspects of self.
4. Find inner joy and spirit of adventure.
5. Become open to connect with others, with healthy boundaries that can be held with confidence.

Setting is about the physical space – making sure it’s safe, private (free from disruption) and comfortable. For me, this included making sure there was a place I could sit comfortably in the garden, as well as the usual cushions, nice scented things, bottles of water (very important to keep hydrated) etc. in my bedroom.

Set refers to mindset. It’s not recommended to dose when in an extreme negative emotional state – for example, immediately after hearing bad news or when in deep grief. The reasoning behind this is that, apparently, psilocybin can amplify one’s existing emotional state. I certainly felt an amplification of anger on one occasion, which did reinforce the desirability of managing my emotional state beforehand.

Ideally, one will be calm, mentally prepared, relaxed.

It’s allegedly very normal, if not desirable to feel a touch nervous/anxious just before taking the dose. Which is good, because that’s how I’ve felt almost every time up to now. It’s usually mild, and easily overridden by my desire to move forward with this healing process.

The one time I felt very anxious and unsure, I decided to defer for a couple of days, by which time those feelings had settled.

Anxiety and fear, amplified by psilocybin would, in my view, for me, promote what some might call a ‘bad trip’. I favour the school of thought that says there’s no such thing as a ‘bad trip’, although it is quite possible to have a very challenging one. I’m good to give that a swerve if possible.

Support or Guide. In an ideal world, one would have access to a sober, trusted friend or trained individual (like a trip sitter or therapist/facilitator) who provides non-judgmental support before, during, and after the journey.

As I have no one who lives close enough, and who fits the described requirements, by necessity, I trip solo. My two available sitters are a continent away, usually only available by text, but to date this has worked absolutely fine for me.

The only bit where I really notice the absence of physical presence is at the end, when it’s all over, and I usually find I’d really, really like a cuddle. But hey, a warm drink, a hot water bottle with fluffy cover, and a video call is nearly as good.

And finally, and most crucially for me, is the integration work. The post session reflection, journaling, and therapy. Here’s how I visualise that neuroplasticity stuff I’m supposed to be taking advantage of in order to rewire those neural pathways – changing the default mode network:

It’s like in my brain there’s these deep grooves, like the ones you see in old stone roads, where cart wheels (thoughts) have run over them for years and years and years. That’s just the natural way for the carts (thoughts) to travel now. And that road doesn’t lead to good places. It’s dark down that track.

Then, someone comes along and pours concrete into those grooves (the psilocybin is the concrete here!). It fills in the grooves, but it’s not set yet. If a cart comes along and just runs into those old grooves before it’s set, the track will be back to square one.

However, if, for a while, I keep a guard on duty, who spots the carts coming and gently guides them onto the new path, the one that goes to the sunny beach, that then has two positive effects.

It firstly, allows the concrete time to set. Once that’s set, even if a cart (thought/feeling) skids off the new track, the old ruts won’t be there for it to fall into. It’ll just skate around for a bit, find no purchase, and either slide off, or go back to the sunny path.

The second positive is the old, practice makes perfect thing. By being conscious, and aware, I can put into practice newly learned techniques, to reinforce the growing, healthier views of self, I’m starting to experience. Being able to separate my own internal voice from the absorbed ones of abusers has been an incredibly empowering thing.

So my integration work includes journaling, listening to podcasts and audio books, having affirmative quotes on things like coasters and my chalk board, being around non-toxic people and choosing carefully who among them I share any revelations I have.

Right, so, as it says at the beginning, none of this is intended to be advice – that stands. I merely write down my understanding and experiences in order that this personal record of my journey be complete.

Cool? Cool.

JP