Giant Step

27/07/24 

I had an accidental flirtatious interaction with a customer yesterday, and was stunned by how good it made me feel, even though I have no interest in the guy specifically. 

The person in question comes in regularly enough that I noticed he was wearing a new aftershave.

Because I often lack filters, I blurted out (truthfully as it happens), “Ooh, you smell delicious!“

Without missing a beat, he responded with a wink and a smile, “Do you want a bite?“

Cue an incredibly flustered me getting his order wrong.

I lost all ability to function properly, couldn’t look him in the eye, blushed scarlet, and basically turned into a teenager.

All the while he grins at me and carries on the banter.

Several colleagues had observed both the conversation and my blushes, and gently teased me throughout the rest of our shift, suggesting I have a crush (I don’t).

I’m totally rusty at the whole, silly, fun, meaningless flirtation thing, but the interaction put a bounce in my step all day. I’d been noticed as more than staff – as a woman.

Such a wondrous thing to experience after years of feeling like I was slowly drying up, shrivelling, no longer ‘womanly’. I can’t explain it any other way but that it made me feel deliciously young.

Today marks a huge step forward in my healing.

This delicious smelling, friendly man made me realise that I’m not the Invisible Woman, that deep inside I’m opening up again to the possibility of new friendships, fun and company. That more letting go of the past has happened than I’d been aware of.

I am a very happy bunny.

MUSIC OF THE DAY: Lil Boo Thang – Paul Russell

JP