You Are Here To Serve Me

13/07/24

“The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master”

Robin Sharma 

My mind is definitely the master a lot of the time at the moment.

I’m repeatedly flooded with unwanted thoughts, my mind playing endless film reels of crappy memories.

I’m being pushed into anger and misery by my own freaking brain.

It recently got to the point where I found myself clutching the edge of the kitchen counter, semi-shouting aloud to myself, “This has got to stop!”

As ever, I’m reading and researching to find out how to bring this damned out of control beast to heel.

A single sentence really stood out and stayed with me:

“I am not my thoughts”

This is far from being a new concept, but suddenly it made sense to me.

Thoughts are ephemeral, passing, non-tangible; they are not who, or what I am.

I can step back and look at them from a distance, dispassionately.

My thoughts do not have to be what I feel.

Of course, it making sense to me doesn’t meant it’s instantly changed, but at least I’ve now made a start on changing that Master Mind into Servant Mind.

An article about this subject described a mindfulness practice, a sort of being aware of parts of your body, sound, sensation – recognising when your thoughts are running riot then instead of getting bogged down in them, you instead bring your focus and attention to something external. For example, to the sensation of your bum on the chair, or the sounds you can hear.

I’ve been trying it out and it is effective, sometimes.

If I’m really caught in a thought loop though, I struggle to fully enter into the mindfulness practice, and of course, there are a lot of situations (like work) where it’s not appropriate.

Another thing I’ve been able to use effectively are breathing techniques.

I’ve mostly come across them in relation to panic and anxiety feelings, but I find they help to stop the loops when I start ruminating and obsessing about my marriage.

The simplest, and for me most effective so far, is the 4 x 4; you breathe in, slow and steady, for the count of four; hold for the count of four; release slow and steady for the count of four; hold for the count of four – repeat.

I’ve also been practicing a technique I heard about on a podcast where you catch the thought, give it a name, acknowledge it, then send it on its way. You don’t get involved with it.

For example: “Oh, hello misplaced guilt. I’ve heard you, I see you, but you need to go now, cos I’m busy“

When I catch the thought, this technique is pretty effective at stopping any obsessive loops. Too often though, I’m still fully engaging with the thoughts. However, I am getting a little better at catching them more frequently and more quickly.

These last two techniques have been most useful for me when I’m in public as they can be done discreetly..

Given I’m experiencing some benefits from these techniques, I’m going to keep looking for more tools to add to the box. Thank goodness for the internet.

I wouldn’t expect to complete my house renovations with only two screwdrivers and a spanner. It seems unreasonable to expect myself to complete self-belief renovations with similarly limited tools.

The idea of having servants has always been anathema to my lefty self. However, when it comes to my own mind, I’ll happily make an exception.

My mind was quite literally born to be my servant, and my servant it shall be.

JP