Scattergun Approach

09/07/24

The emotional healing, the processing of the past, the picking apart of unhealthy patterns and looking for new approaches is all very slow and laborious.

I know I’m not going to find instant answers (much as I’d like to), and that rebalancing 55 years’ worth of heavily negative self-image won’t happen within weeks.

To the bottom of my boots, I’m prepared to walk the necessary path, but as I reveal each new thing to be addressed, it can feel like I’m never going to get to the summit of this mountain. There’s just SO MUCH shit, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, and little results can cease to feel like progress.

In an effort to feel like I’m actually getting somewhere with something, I’ve been throwing myself into the comparatively simpler physical self care. A new haircut and a good moisturiser give quicker, more obvious evidence that the changes I’m making are having a positive effect.

In the spirit of ‘I’m going to be more’, I’ve decided that I’m going to try things I’ve never done for myself before, ultimately creating a proper routine for face/body care and exercise.

To assist with this, I ordered a couple of beauty boxes from a well known UK high street store ^{(Next, but I’m not meaning to advertise!)}. These are pretty good value, containing a variety of high end products, some full size, some travel or ‘trial’ size (but none of those useless one-blob sachet samples). They give me a chance to try out all sorts of lotions, potions and face paints, without having to pay mega bucks.

Having nice products, that smell delicious, are beautifully presented and look sexy on my dressing table, really encourages me to actually use them.

My face and body have never been so regularly and thoroughly exfoliated and moisturised.

Head hair is conditioned almost to the point of not being wild and wilful.

Other hairs are only where I want them to be.

Work continues to devastate my hands and nails, but at least these days they’re being moisturised. And ragged nails are being attended to with a nail file rather than teeth.

Toe nails are manicured and painted.

My feet are a slightly disgusting ongoing project. I found these foot mask things – a bit like a face mask, but inside little plastic bootees that you wear, looking like you’re about to go into surgery or something. It said it would exfoliate and moisturise, which I thought would be a nice little treat for the neglected trotters.

Well! The exfoliating part is right.

My feet have been peeling layers, sheets, of skin for days now. It’s gross, but also weirdly fascinating. It’s not sore – just horribly apparent that I have far too many dead layers of skin on my feet.

There is something quite metaphoric about it – I feel a bit like a snake, shedding the skin of my old life to reveal the fresh and new beneath.

The other thing I’ve been doing is listening to the amazing Michael Mosely’s Just One Thing – what a cracking programme. So far I’m up to just 14 things. As I’m late to this party there’s a lot of back episodes for me to listen to, so this figure is almost certainly going to rise.

The suggestions I’ve latched onto include ways to improve sleep, digestion/appetite, joint mobility, cognitive ability, skin elasticity, heart health and mental health.

To be fair, seven of those things are vitamin supplements and food items. However, I’ve also been inspired to do more exercise and am currently doing my squats and lunges regularly.

I’m very much taking a scattergun approach at the moment, giving anything with a modicum of appeal a go.

Natural selection will cause some ideas to fall by the wayside – too much work to make happen, boring, too costly, too disgusting to consume – leaving me with the things I’m really into, and can really see bringing the results I want.

I believe the all knowing ‘They’ say that the best form of exercise is the thing you’ll do regularly.

If that’s the case, then I think the best form of self-improvement for me is finding what I’ll continue to do, even after I start to feel better. That applies to mental, emotional and physical health, as well as self-talk and self-image.

I’ll eventually whittle down this smorgasbord of ‘good things to do’ into a set menu that I’m prepared to dine from regularly.

It’s a work in process, but it is forward movement.

JP