Mindful Moments

02/06/24

Sitting in the garden, midges dancing like dust motes in the light breeze. The occasional, determined dandelion seed floats by – no messing about, just parachuting in a straight line to the destination.

The cat is stretched out in her favourite sunny spot (right next to my vintage Black Cat cigarette advertising sign; which essentially amounts to false advertising, as my cat is very white!). Utterly blissed and in the moment, she clenches then stretches her paws, relishing the heat on her old bones.

As the drone of power tools, and the smell of freshly cut greenery, rises from neighbouring gardens I realise you can tell how frequently neighbours do garden maintenance by the duration of current tool use; it’s not a judgement, just an observation. By the sounds of it, for some of them it may be easier to hack through the deepest Amazonian undergrowth.

A dog enthusiastically plays with his squeaky toy; it’s very rhythmic, pretty upbeat.

It’s funny how perception changes according to our own inner state – today the noise of the dog toy sounds joyous, and I have little smiles about the innocence and purity of the dog’s pleasure. The other day, I just wished it would shut up that infernal racket!

The dog was doing what the dog does on both occasions; it was my frame of mind that was different.

Maybe if I’d made this observation the other day, I’d have been able to practice some mindfulness, reframe my mood, and move forward in a conscious way.

One of the things I could never get the ex to comprehend, is that (to a greater, if not complete extent) you can choose how you think, and therefore how you feel; I need to get back to practicing what I preach.

I’m not a victim; I’m not prepared to be at the mercy of my own bully-mind any more than I’m prepared to tolerate being bullied by someone else. My thoughts can be controlled, redirected and made more positive.

It’s important to catch those low, self-hating, past-ruminating feelings as quickly as possible – the longer they roam free, the deeper they embed.

Techniques I know help, and that I will endeavour to implement more regularly are:

• the but fortunately technique
• simple affirmations (eg. “Every day, in every way, I become a little stronger“; or, “All that is rightfully mine comes to me now, in a deluge, a flood, a tsunami!“
• body scan mindfulness
• 4 x 4 breathing – breath in for the count of four, hold for four, breath out for four, hold for four. It helped stop panic attacks in the early days of this marriage collapse, and it’s a discreet way to publicly deal with difficult thoughts.
• exercise – I don’t find it fun but can’t argue with the beneficial afterglow
• creative activities, whether writing, crafting, decorating – activities that might express my mood, but that do it in a healthy, non-ruminating way.

I’m not saying I’ve solved the mystery for achieving zen acceptance of life, but it’s certainly something to take forward for when I find myself getting unreasonably irritated by minor contact with the outside world – perspective is everything.

Quite apart from anything else, I fully believe that what I put out into the world will be reflected back to me – I don’t want that reflection to be irritability and impatience.

Zen would be ideal, but a chirpy sauntering nonchalance would do just fine.

MUSIC OF THE DAY: Ooh Ahh (My Life Be Like) – Grits, Toby Mac

JP