Inspirational Graffiti

28/02/24

Some years ago, as part of her Christmas present, I bought mother a pair of socks that depicted cherubic figures, above which were the words, ‘Carpe the fuck out of this diem‘.

She loved them.

I loved them too, but didn’t get myself a pair as it felt a bit weird, dressing the same as my 80 year old mother.

There is a point to this, I promise.

This morning, I was laying in bed, glumly looking at walls that need stripping and plastering. It was an undeniable fact that I could do with seeing something much more inspiring when I open my eyes in the morning.

The one facing the bed is quite a dark coloured wall; it dawned on me that it could work like a chalkboard.

Inspired, I grabbed the Grandbeanies’ tin of chunky chalks and in giant letters graffitied the wall with:

CARPE THE FUCK OUT OF THIS DIEM

My artist skills fall far short of being able to draw cherubic beings, but there are some flowers, and a love heart (all for me), and a big fluffy cloud framing it all.

It’s having the desired effect and frequently making me smile. I’m seeing it a lot right now as I’m still camping out in the bedroom due to the derelict state of downstairs.

The words themselves make me smile.

The fact that they are there on the wall, for me, by me, requiring no discussion, explanation or approval – that also makes me smile.

You know that thing about a journey of a thousand miles starting with a single step? Obviously the rest of the miles will also be covered in single steps, some of them very little, baby steps.

I don’t have a distance measurement for my journey, so I don’t know how many more miles I have to go.

I do know that I took the first step when I decided to come out of this divorce as more, not less.

I also know that my wall represents another of these baby steps.

Feeling generous towards myself, I’ll acknowledge that there’s been quite a few of theses steps in between these two markers.

• I’ve packed some of his stuff away
• I’ve had the cathartic bonfire
• I’ve initiated a reasonably regular exercise routine
• I’ve been taking my vitamins and supplements with religious devotion

I mean, admittedly, I don’t feel a huge lot better, and most of what I’m doing still feels hollow and pointless.

But I am doing it regardless.

I know, like from the bottom of my socks I know, that without change, I’ll keep on coming back to this shitty personal space. And I’m fucked if I’m going to let that be my destiny.

I’m prepared for the fact that some changes will be effective, and others less so. But if I don’t try lots of things, and keep on trying, I’ll never find my way through.

Here you go Jess – have a pat on the back.

JP