One Door Closes

24/12/24

Today I left mother’s house, and as I shut the gate behind me, I knew I’d never be going there again.

I hadn’t even intended to go there today!

Let’s back-track…

I’d arranged to meet up with Lena for coffee, after I finished work.

She was going to be in the area I work anyway, as she needed to collect mince pies from the only place mother will countenance purchasing them. Note, however, mother couldn’t countenance collecting them – Lena, who is blind, was tasked with that element.

Attempting to navigate narrow pavements, and small shops, in a very boujie area, on Christmas Eve, was going to be a maximum stress experience for Lena. So I offered to meet up for coffee, I would do the pie collection, then I’d walk her back home to mother’s house, poke her through the door, and be on my way.

And so it was. A pleasant enough chat over hot drinks, and a slow stroll, partially through park area, to mother’s house.

When we got there, my old lady bladder betrayed me and I needed to dash inside to use the loo.

Having availed myself of the facilities, I intended to drop Lena’s shopping bags into the kitchen, do a quick “Hi-Bye” to mother, then, rapid exit.

Since having this conversation with mother, where I recognised certain patterns, our contact has been non-existent. I continued to ‘match the energy’ and, as she hadn’t reached out at all, we’d had no conversations.

I wasn’t up for having any in depth or elongated chat now. However, part of me thought she may make some basic enquiries as to my plans for my first ever entirely solo Christmas day. And I was willing to be politely interested should she wish to share any details about their plans for the day.

That all went out the window as I descended the stairs, to find her peering up at me.

“Hi“, I said, brightly.

“Oh.” she said. “It’s you.” Her tone was an interesting mix of disappointed, disapproving, and entirely flat.

“Yes, it’s me.” Smiling, I swept past her, scooping Lena’s bags up as I went.

Having left them on the kitchen countertop, I hugged Lena, wishing her Merry Christmas, then left her unpacking her shopping.

Mother was still in the hallway. Without waiting for her to speak, I reached in to hug her, and wished her a Merry Christmas.

We stood momentarily, me with my arms around her, she with her arms stiffly by her sides. I gave her one, final squeeze, then stepped away and out of the door.

I didn’t slam. I carefully closed the porch door and walked to the gate.

I didn’t turn around as I closed the garden gate.

Little Jess was squirming.

True Jess quietly said, “Well, that’s the last time we’ll be going there.“

And Little Jess was still, and calm.

MUSIC OF THE DAY:

JP