Revelation

06/07/24

I had a genuine, in real life, parting of the clouds, finger of god moment early today.

I’d been sitting in the garden, listening to The Overwhelmed Brain, and it got to the end of the episode, where he says, “You. Are. Amazing.“, then plays the music that helps ground you, and be in the moment.

I stood up, stretched my arms up to the sky, and at the exact same moment, the clouds parted and I was hit full on by this beam of sunshine.

Standing there, with golden light and warmth drenching my whole body, the guy in my ears tells me I’m amazing, the music swelling up, I was hit by this thought:

I can do anything, be anything, go anywhere…..!!!!

It was an absolute ‘Kerpow!’ moment.

For the first time, really, in my heart and soul I knew this to be true.

I’ve been giddy with excitement ever since.

What I want to do is get the hell out of here, see some of the world, meet people, but still have a safe base to come back to.

That was all well and good when purchasing the house was an option but as, at my age, and on my salary alone that is not an option, I’m going to have to do some radical out-of-the-box thinking.

Even though I have no idea whatsoever about the wheres, whats, whys or hows of anything, it feels like there’s no barriers unless I put them there.

I’ve been inspired to look beyond anything I might have previously done, or considered doing, by a gentleman we shall call Mr Bevan.

Mr Bevan was the headmaster of a primary school. He was one of those teachers who is devoted to the pupils and the school, who goes the extra ten miles on everything, and encourages every child to fulfil their potential in every possible way.

I had cause to visit the school one day, and found Mr Bevan on his hands and knees measuring a room. He looked up at me and explained that some diktat required he submit floor measurements to ‘authorities’ so that it could be ascertained whether or not he could squeeze another desk into an already oversized class of 32 pupils.

As he climbed to his feet he said, as much to himself as to me, “I didn’t come into teaching for this.“

It wasn’t so very long afterwards that Mr Bevan jacked it all in, took early retirement, and went off to be an escort on a cruise liner.

It caused quite the scandal when he happily did an interview about it with the local newspaper. The mums at the school gate had a field day.

I thought it was spectacular, and it still makes me grin and want to high five Mr Bevan.

So, channelling the spirit of Mr Bevan, and his ‘Fuck it, I’m doing it’ attitude, I’ve started seeing what other people might come up with as suggestions for me.

Their brief has been, ‘Assuming no boundaries whatsoever – financial, mental, practical, emotional – what do you think I should try out as a new way to make money/thing to do with my life.’

Honest to goodness, the things people have been coming up with have made me really laugh, as well as kinda wonder how I’m viewed by those around me. I’m having so much fun with it, even if I’m none the wiser as to actual plans and intentions.

The suggestions to date (the suggesters shall remain nameless):

• sell used knickers online
• become a dominatrix (accompanied by, “I’ve always thought you might be good at that“)
• move to Colorado, become an accredited trip sitter and carve out a niche as ‘the quaint old English lady who makes you cups of tea’
• become a financial dominatrix (I didn’t even know this was a thing!)
• move to Amsterdam and open up a ‘special’ bakery

There’s something of a theme here, all the more remarkable because each suggestion came completely separate to the others. I didn’t tell anyone what had already been put forward, and none of them interact with each other.

As I said, it really has made me think about what’s being said to me.

Although there was an element of jest in each conversation, there was far more encouragement to be open to what my heart desires, whatever that might be.

I was being told to revel in my sexuality, to be fearless in exploration of any and all avenues that could open my mind, my heart and my life, because all of these people believe that’s who I am.

If I was back in pre-breakup thinking, I’d be a mess right now.

I’d have taken all these suggestions as confirmation that I’m seen as a druggy little whore, and that my life could never possibly amount to anything, just like I’d so often been told.

Two things have made this huge difference in my perception:

1. All the self-healing work I’ve done so far this year
2. Only opening up to the views and opinions of people who I know genuinely see, love and care for me – no agenda.

The not having a clue what path I’m going to take is what’s making the excitement so fizzy.

This feeling is fabulous.

JP