A Pretend Social Life

20/03/24

I was recently on the periphery of a conversation where someone mentioned Meetup.

I’d completely forgotten it existed.

Decades ago, in an effort to expand my social circle, I used it a few times.

There was rounders in the park, a surf-boarding lesson (I was so bad at it), a couple of pub trips, but nothing gripped me and I moved on.

Well, it’s moved on massively from way back then and there’s now a huge variety of groups and activities available online.

No actual leaving the house and meeting of humans necessary.

I’m not ready to go out, being all bright and bubbly and sociable, but I am frequently feeling lonely. In the absence of ‘pop round’ friends, this has been something of a conundrum.

For the time being, Meetup is providing me with a perfect solution; I can sign up for things online, then if the time comes and I’m not in the mood, or if I join something but realise it’s not for me, I can just click out.

There’s none of that guilt from letting someone down after you arranged to meet them. There’s none of that excruciating clock watching, wondering how quickly I can leave without seeming impolite.

I’m currently choosing things that don’t necessitate direct interaction with others, but provide the opportunity should I wish.

So far, I’m enjoying:

A silent book club. This is awesome.

It’s essentially sitting companionably together, quietly reading a book. Unlike a regular book club, you can read whatever book you like.

There’s about 15 minutes at the beginning and end where people can share about what they’re reading. But you don’t have to.

Virtual World Tours. Again, awesome!

As the name suggests, you can sign up to virtually visit pretty much anywhere in the world. Knowledgeable and enthusiastic local tour guides take you around with a camera, giving fascinating information about buildings, artefacts, town history, politics…

You can ask questions via typed chat.

I feel like I’m getting to reach beyond the confines of this dirty city, and for a few hours I’m transported away from my problems.

I’ve fallen madly in love with Orvieto, in Italy; I’d love to be able to visit in person one day.

Mindfulness and meditation groups x 4.

There’s not a lot to say about these – sometimes they help calm and ground me, other times they irritate me. I dip in and out according to my prevailing mood. I think if I focus a bit more on finding something that resonates enough for me to do regularly, then it could be very beneficial.

I’m booked onto a Draw Your Stress Away class, but it’s not until next week; it sounds really promising. I have no drawing skills but I like the idea of a gentle, therapeutic, teacher lead class of this nature.

Basically, I’ve built myself a pretend social life.

I book things in advance, making sure I fill as much time as possible. It gives some kind of structure and purpose to time outside of work, it stops me feeling completely isolated, it keeps my mind occupied so I can’t ruminate. All of which is massively helping my emotional stability.

I’m still all over the place, and I still feel broken, but I can see that all these baby steps are taking me forward – even if it’s not as smooth and fast as I’d like.

One foot in front of the other… I will be more not less … I’ll reach the mountain summit one day.

JP